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3.23.2013

Rest In Peace Daddy: My Father's Eulogy

When hurricane Sandy messed things up for us just a few months ago, I struggled with what to say to my daddy. Even though I was the child, and he the father, I felt the need to console him. But, I wasn’t sure what little old me could do hundreds of miles away on the other coast of America. I debated coming home to help him rebuild, I considered sending him half of my little allowance that HE gave to me to help with the repair costs, and I even thought about leaving medical school to manage my father’s office and ease his transition, just so he wouldn’t feel alone.  None of that felt exactly right. My Physiology teacher enjoys reading my blog, just like my father did, and he suggested that I write my father a letter to touch his soul with my words.

So, this is for my daddy.

Late at night when things get a little cooky, weird and mystical, that is when I feel your energy the most. At this hour, the consoling crowds have left, the tears have dried, every one is asleep, and the house is silent. 

There is a little jingle in the air and I start to get goosebumps. It is then that I know that you are here and I say “hi daddy” with a big smile on my face. I put on the clothes that you died in because they make me feel close to you again.  They still have your smell. I loved the way you smelled. Then, I escape to my backyard, the backyard that you loved so much, and I howl at the moon like a wolf. 


I know it’s a little crazy, but you always told me that a little crazy is good to maintain sanity.

I always wondered what inspired wolves to howl at the moon. I finally understand that it is because they long for something.

You and I have been connected since the day I was born and have always been like 2 magnets, attracted to each other and stuck together.

When I was around, you would call out for me. But now, there is only 1 out of 2 magnets left, and so I call out for YOU. I feel a pull towards you, like something is still keeping us connected, but you are nowhere to be found, at least in the physical realm.

I long for my daddy with every fiber of my being, so I howl at the moon, just like the wolves.

When it feels right, I stop and start to scream “DADDY!” at the top of my lungs. My hope is that if I scream loud enough, you will hear my call up in heaven and that this will put a smile on your face. 

When you were alive, you would always ask me “Who do you love the mostest most most? Who is your favorite man in the whole wide world?” You used to ask me to scream with all my might so that everyone around me could know that the answer is you, MY daddy. I would never say it immediately, because I enjoyed making you wait for it. But, I was just teasing you because the answer was always you, silly.

I love you, my daddy, the mostest most most and you will always be my favorite man in the whole wide world. I am glad that this is the last thing I told you on Thursday night, the night before you died. And You told me that I was the best daughter in the world, and you told me you loved me. This was our last conversation, and for that I am grateful.

My dad was poetic in his own way. Like me, he recognized the subtle beauty and nuance of life.  He didn’t talk that much, but he would often share his true feelings and his deepest thoughts with me. This is how special our bond was. It reminded me that he was a real person with thoughts and feelings, and not just my simple daddy.

In one of our deeper talks, he asked me “La, when we get back from traveling somewhere, what proof do we have that we were really there? We have pictures and souvenirs, but what if that is all an illusion and we were never actually there?”

Moments later, after about a minute of silence, he answered his own question and said “All we have is our memory. That is the only proof that we were really there and we must hold on tight”. 

So the same thing applies to my daddy now. 

The day you died, I was so concerned that I wouldn’t be able to remember all of the wonderful moments that we had together, because you gave me so many things to remember. Who is going to give me big hugs and lots of kisses? Who is going to annoy me by asking me to bring him juice and cookies? Who am I going to go to the movies with? Who am I going to share my fears with? and Who is going to tell me “You will be fine my La. You can do anything because you are the Naika girl?". It seemed like you were just erased from my reality. 

I asked myself, what proof is there that my daddy was actually here? After a few hours of crying non-stop, I came to the same conclusion that you did. I reasoned that I will always have my memories of you and I will hold on to them.

Daddy, you were more than a father to me. You were my counselor, my friend, my confidant, and life companion.

Yesterday, Seour Juvenia said that you were a foster daddy to me for a moment in time. And now that you have served your purpose in my life, it is time to realize that God is my ultimate father. I thought that was a beautifully profound statement, and it gives me peace. I truly am the luckiest girl in the world, to have had a daddy like you. You were the BEST daddy a girl could ask for, and for that I am grateful to you and to God.

Every day since your death, I have thanked God for blessing me with 23 years of your love. I just beg you to always stay close to me and help God guide me in my path.

Daddy, I hope you rest assured, in peace, knowing that as long as mommy and I remain God’s humble servants and put all of our faith in Him, He will surely provide for us because God, our father, is a good God and loves us infinitely.

Daddy, I’ll love you forever and ever and ever and ever (just like you used to say to me) and I look forward to seeing you again.

In conclusion, I’d like to lead you all into a short meditation, in preparation for saying goodbye to Peter.

Are you ready?

I’d like you all to try and remember your most special memory of Peter.

Once you have identified that memory, please close your eyes and hold that image in your mind for a few seconds.

When it feels comfortable, please open your eyes and prepare to say bye out loud.

My dad went by many names, including Peter, Dr. Apeakorang, Chepito, J, broda, Chalie, Docky, hunny…..and daddy.

Say goodbye to my daddy using the name and language that means the most to you. I want every single person in the room to participate because I want my dad to actually HEAR our love for him as we officially send him off.

On the count of 3, I’d like for you to say your final goodbye to Peter, out loud.

Here we go.

1, 2, 3.

Bye daddy!

God bless you all.

6 comments:

  1. Naika, I just want you to know that you are a beautiful writer and that your daddy must be so incredibly proud of you. Your eulogy made me cry; I think you touched on some things that most people struggle their whole lives to figure out. You are an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing this.

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  2. This is so beautiful. God bless you and may your father rest in God's peace.

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  3. Naika, darling, this is an elegant piece. Even though I don't know you or your father, I can say that he is a lucky and proud father to have a daughter like you. I offer my sincerest condolences and will continue to keep you and your loved ones in my prayers.

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  4. Nakia, I have met you a number of times in your dad's office and you were just as pleasant as he was. Know that your daddy loved you dearly, because he loved to talk and he talked alot about you. So Nakia hold on to all those fond memories of your dad, because he will always be watching over you. I know that he was the best doctor in the WORLD and I use to say I need to write an article about you so I can tell the world, because you were my doctors for years and years. R.I.P. Dr. Peter Apea-Korang.
    Humbly submitted the Brenda Martin and Sons.

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    1. Naika, you are a beautiful and special person. You are blessed to have had a dad who loves you and left you with such great memories. That love that you shared is a feeling that will make you not only feel good, but that will strenghten you in any and all situation that you find yourself. And that is a feeling that no one can take away from you. Your dad has left this earthly world, but he will forever be close to you. I can confess to this for I lost my mother 12 years ago and it's as if she is still around. Her name is always mentioned in our conversation. When I have my joy or my sorrows, I just talk to her. She no longer has a physical body, but her spirit is still alive. Therefore, the love that you and your father shared will remain forever in your heart for his spirit is alive.

      As Soeur Juvenia told you, you now have a Father who will watch over you and care for you. God, your real father,will continue to protect you. Just as you used to talk to your father and share your secrets with him, you can do the same with God. In your happy times, your sad moments, the time when the tears can't stop rolling on your cheeks, call on Him and open your heart to Him. As a matter of facts, get into a habit of writing your coversation with Him, even if you want to ask why he took your father suddenly. I am sure he will have an answer for you.

      Again you are a SPECIAL PERSON and I am very proud of you.

      My love to you and may God bless you!

      Carline Deverson

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  5. Dear Naika,

    i have never met you. i grew up with your Dad. he was best friends with my elder brother also called Peter. He was great. I remember his voice was soooo loud you could here it through the telephone receiver. When I went to Mfantsipim he was in Form 5 when I was in form 1. He was also in charge of the youth club we had during the holidays. he helped organise parties etc for us. your Eulogy is FANTASTIC!!! You are truly worthy of being called his daughter. Im sooooo happy that you are so intelligent and bright. i used to fancy your aunt Alice when she was in Wesley Girls (DEBU!!!). we all grew up in Burma Camp together What crazy days. Your dad used to like talking with my Dad who was a Dr about his career choices etc. Im sooo proud of you.
    My name is Nigel Darko. feel free to send me an e-mail asking about my memories of your Dad anytime. My e-mail is nigeldarko@yahoo.co.uk

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